La familia de Liliana Leyva

Por Ana de Alejandro

Cuentan las páginas de promoción de turismo que “Querétaro es un excelente sitio para comenzar un tour colonial por México. Esta hermosa ciudad (es) habitada por aproximadamente medio millón de personas”. Y entre todas esas personas, viven ahí desde hace 6 años, Liliana Leyva, de 37 años de edad, y Araceli Solano, de 43 años. Esta pareja, originaria de la Ciudad de México, está casada desde hace ya tres años, y son las felices madres de Liah de tan sólo 3 meses de nacida. Ellas forman una familia lesbomaternal y viven felices una de muchas historias de Maternidades Lésbicas Visibles.

Lili y Ara disfrutan de nadar, hacer ejercicio, conocer lugares nuevos y tomar muchas fotografías. El trabajo de Araceli facilita realizar viajes, por lo que se les presentan mayores oportunidades para hacer las actividades que disfrutan. “Es una de nuestras locuras”, comparte Liliana, “cada que podemos salir a conocer algún lugar nos lanzamos”. También les gusta pasar momentos compartiendo con la familia, o yendo al cine a ver películas románticas y de ciencia ficción. “Ara siempre está viendo que actividades hacer para estar juntas las tres”.

RDMLM Liliana Leyva 001

Liliana narra cómo se conocieron hace aproximadamente 12 años, por internet, a través de un grupo en línea que existía entonces, llamado Mujeres Azules. El grupo estaba radicado en la Ciudad de México, donde hacían reuniones para que las lesbianas se conocieran. “Bueno, por azares del destino nos conocimos de esa manera”. Ella agrega que de Araceli le gustó su mirada: “me enamoró, de primera instancia, sus ojos tan expresivos y hermosos”. Esta compañera de la Red de Madres Lesbianas en México, continúa enumerando las cualidades en su esposa que atrajeron a ella: “terminó de prendarme el corazón cuando conocí que era alguien como yo, que no tenía miedo a querer una familia, a ser trabajadora y luchona, es muy inteligente y decidida, amo quien es, y quien me deja ser”.

Liliana cuenta que se aceptó como lesbiana a los 21 o 22 años, pero según su mamá, “ella dice que se me vio desde pequeña”. Liliana salía a los antros y bares “de ambiente” con su prima “y algunos amigos que fui conociendo en el camino, de esos que ponen la vida y Dios, para algo,” y así fue como terminó por identificarse. Pero concuerda con su madre en que “siempre supe de pequeña que había algo que no cuadraba en mí”. Sin embargo, como muchas otras lesbianas que primero pasan por años de dudas y exploración heterosexual, “tuve una relación de 3, casi 4 años con un novio, pero jamás tuvimos relaciones, ni siquiera un acercamiento, para él, obviamente yo era la mujer perfecta, hasta se quería casar”, agrega entre risas. Sin embargo, “en ese momento, conocí a alguien (una mujer) y supe que mi camino era otro”.

El deseo de Liliana por experimentar la maternidad inició desde muy pequeña, ella afirma que “solo tuve un pequeño Nenuco®, niño, que me trajeron los Reyes Magos como a los 5 años, y para mí, era mi bebé, que cargaba a todos lados. Soy la mayor de 4 hermanos, así que me tocó cuidarlos y verlos crecer”. Igualmente refiere que “siempre he tenido afinidad con los niños, me siguen mucho, porque juego con ellos, y me pongo a su altura, y de paso me encanta cuidarlos, y mimarlos”. Aun así, ella pensaba que quizás no sería madre, “siempre procuraba cuidar a mis primos, porque en el fondo pensaba que jamás podría ser mamá. Gracias a Dios, mi pareja creo que más por darme gusto, hizo todo lo posible para el tratamiento, y hoy, bueno, ambas amamos a esta pequeñita que vino a cambiarnos la vida”.

Así es como ella describe la travesía que siguieron como pareja para tener a su hija Liah: “nuestro primer intento fue por inseminación asistida, en una clínica que se dedica a esos tratamientos, pero no pegó. Por lo tanto, el médico que fue un amor con nosotras, nos dijo que mejor juntáramos para la Fertilización in Vitro (FIV)1)La inseminación asistida es cuando se deposita el semen en la gestante con ayuda externa. La inseminación asistida puede ser intrauterina, intravaginal e intracervical, y es cuando el semen se deposita de forma asistida en el interior del útero, la vagina o el cérvix respectivamente. Por otra parte, la FIV es cuando se extraen los óvulos y se fecundan por fuera del cuerpo gestante para luego implantar uno o varios embriones resultantes., ya que teníamos mayores posibilidades de éxito. Y así fue, en el primer intento, con dos óvulos transferidos, salió la pequeña. Un proceso que para nosotras fue largo y algo estresante, pero que valió la pena al mil”, afirma orgullosa. Cabe agregar que Liliana siente que su hija “fue una niña muy deseada por nosotras, y por ambas familias y amigos. Con decirte que nuestro baby shower, fue de aproximadamente 150 personas. Así que, no somos de closet”.

Ahora, como madre, ella se describe a sí misma y el tipo de crianza que ejerce así: “soy muy amorosa, muy cariñosa, y cuidadosa… no sé cómo se llame este tipo de crianza, pero procuro que en la medida de lo posible sea lo más natural y que ella se adapte a nuestro modo de vivir.” Liliana y Araceli viajan mucho por trabajo, o en ocasiones por vacaciones, así que pasan mucho tiempo en carreteras y aviones, por eso,

“desde pequeña hemos intentado que ella se acostumbre”. Para ellas también es importante que Liah conviva con sus perritas a las que se les permite subir a las camas, y estar junto a ella, “no con ello decir que no soy obsesiva en cuidarla del ambiente o de los animales, (pero somos de) no cerrar por completo las ventanas, ni tampoco ser obsesivas con la limpieza de quien la va a cargar. Procuramos que ella crezca lo más sana, pero también sin complejos”. Por otro lado, asegura que “contamos con el apoyo de nuestras familias y amigos. Eso nos ayuda mucho en la crianza”.

Esta compañera de la Red conoce sus derechos y por ende ella y su esposa, ejercieron el derecho al matrimonio igualitario hace tres años en la Ciudad de México. Al tener a su hija, y siguiendo la misma lógica, acudieron ante el Registro Civil para registrarla con los apellidos de ambas madres. Ellas habían decidido poner primero el apellido de la gestante y en segundo término el de la no gestante, y así lo hicieron, pero media hora después de salir del RC, recibieron una llamada informándoles que había un error con su acta y tenían que volver. Estando ahí, les informaron que lo “correcto” es que la madre no gestante ponga su apellido primero por ser “la proveedora” y la gestante después por ser “la madre natural.” Como ellas viajan mucho y tenían un viaje en avión programado para esas fechas, necesitaban el acta de la niña para subir al avión. Razón por la cual sin pensarlo mucho, terminaron por aceptar lo que el registro les imponía. Esto, sin embargo, fue un claro acto de discriminación, ya que, desde el 20 de agosto de 2013, en la Ciudad de México las lesbianas que son madres pueden elegir el orden del apellido familiar.

El anterior no ha sido el único acto discriminatorio que esta familia ha enfrentado, también les sucedió con una médica especialista en reproducción en Querétaro, “cuando comenzamos a indagar sobre costos y procedimientos para el embarazo. Esa doctora al principio, antes de saber que éramos pareja, pensaba que era mi hermana, nos trató de lo mejor, ¡súper! Al final, cuando le dijimos que éramos pareja, se salió del consultorio, y nos dijo: ‘ahorita les mando a alguien para que les enseñe los bancos de esperma’, pero con otra actitud, casi grosera. Así que salimos de ahí sin prestarle mayor atención. Su colega de Celaya nos atendió de lo mejor, el tratamiento fue mucho más barato, y aunque ella nos veía en el hospital de Querétaro, hacía como que no nos conocía”.

También fueron objeto de discriminación por parte de una familiar, “la hermana de mi papá, que dice que, para ella, yo estoy muerta. ¡En fin!”, ríe con ánimo de dejarlo todo atrás.

Ser lesbiana le ha representado varios retos, entre ellos “el típico caso de que ‘no se te nota’”. También menciona los supuestos y estereotipos de otras personas, “que no me interesan, ya que a mis padres han puesto todo de su parte, para apoyarme. Teniendo en cuenta que se han quedado sin familia, por lo mismo”.  Pero fuera de eso, ella asegura que, en todos sus trabajos, escuela y alrededores “siempre procuro ser abierta en la medida de lo posible, puesto que, en Querétaro, son muy cerrados”.

Por otra parte, ella siente que, como madre, “la verdad, es que creo que aún no enfrento mucho, tal vez un poco las dudas sobre quién nos va a bautizar a la niña, en qué Iglesia y qué sacerdote lo hará. Pero fuera de eso, tanto mi mamá, como mis cuñadas y mi hermana nos apoyan mucho para que nos sea leve”.

RDMLM Liliana Leyva 002

En este momento de la vida, Liliana no cambiaría nada, “ni siquiera regresar el tiempo. La verdad es que si alguien, años antes me hubiese dicho que sería muy feliz., y que encontraría mi media naranja, que mi familia aceptaría quien soy y que viviría la vida con una familia hermosa, no les creería”, sonríe irradiando felicidad. Tal y como la vive ahora “hoy lo que me gusta, es que vivo con la mujer que amo, Dios nos permitió tener una angelita con nosotros para cuidarla y ayudarla en esta vida.” Agrega agradecida que también disfruta “que tengo una familia a la que amo y daría todo por ellas. Hoy no tengo queja, solo agradecimiento a Dios por lo que tengo, y lo que no he logrado tener, él sabe por qué… llegará con su tiempo, si Él lo quiere”.

Liliana llegó a la Red de Madres Lesbianas en México por medio otra página que se llama MamásLes México, “un día buscándola di con la Red. Digamos que fue suerte para mí. Y aquí estoy. Lo mejor es que es grupo cerrado, y así mi familia y amigos no ven lo que publico”, suelta una risita de complicidad, “y me encanta el grupo, es dinámico y siempre están ahí para apoyar y aprender de otras”.

Aunque lleva poco tiempo en la RDMLM, Liliana aprecia lo que en ella ha podido encontrar. “Hoy a mis escasos dos meses, creo, que ingresé, me ha traído cosas buenas, aún no he hecho amistades, ni tampoco enemistades, y espero no hacer esas segundas”,

vuelve a reír al pensarlo. “Espero aportar algo para las demás mamás o futuras mamás, que pueda ayudarles mi experiencia, mucha o poca”.

Ella afirma que, por supuesto recomienda mucho la RDMLM, “de hecho, a mis únicas amigas que están comenzando un tratamiento con el mismo doctor que nos atendió, les diré sobre la red, y si algún día conozco a más mujeres que puedan aplicar, con gusto lo haré”. Aunque afirma, mientras vuelve a reír que es de pocas amistades.

Finalmente, ella deja para nuestras lectoras un consejo sobre maternidad, para las otras madres lesbianas y las que desean llegar a serlo o ya están en el camino. “Mi consejo, sería que todo lo que les digan antes de embarazarse o el de hacer un tratamiento, lo tomen con serenidad, porque cada mujer somos diferentes. En ocasiones muchos consejos nos pueden afectar, y cuando llega el momento, es mucho menos complicado, o más, y nos toma por sorpresa. Cada mujer somos distintas, lo mejor es disfrutarlo y hacer lo que nuestro instinto nos diga. La comunicación con la pareja es lo que te dará la pauta para tomar decisiones”.

Notas al pie   [ + ]

1. La inseminación asistida es cuando se deposita el semen en la gestante con ayuda externa. La inseminación asistida puede ser intrauterina, intravaginal e intracervical, y es cuando el semen se deposita de forma asistida en el interior del útero, la vagina o el cérvix respectivamente. Por otra parte, la FIV es cuando se extraen los óvulos y se fecundan por fuera del cuerpo gestante para luego implantar uno o varios embriones resultantes.

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